Episode 04 - The One When We Were On A Break

Today we are talking about the comparison trap and what that does to your joy.

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Transcript

Sarah: 0:01

Let me guess you've been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or like the world has totally gone to shit. Well, have no fear, you're in the right place friend. Our mission here at free spirit stitches is to create more joy in the world anyway we can. And one of those ways is with the create more joy podcast. So join me, Sarah D your feisty, sassy, sarcastic host, as we chat about all things, joy and how to create more of it in your life because we know the world really needs it. Now I'm not gonna pretend it's always sunshine and rainbows cuz it bloody well isn't. But I do know among all those messy bits, there's lots of joy too. You're guaranteed to hear some F bombs, that's what she says and lots of tangents. But if you hang with me, I'll help you create more joy. Hello. Hello. Welcome. Welcome to another episode of the create more joy podcast. I am so happy, so excited to have you here listening, and to be connecting today. And I am really amped up for this particular topic. And I don't know if it's because I just took a shot of nerds on my way to come sit and record this. I'm not talking about some new trendy alcohol, which, I mean, there could be some nerds alcohol out there, there's everything under the sun, but I'm talking about the delicious tasty candy uh, the kids had some nerds from somewhere and I spied them on the counter as I was coming to record this. So I couldn't help myself, give myself a little, pick me up so I can bring, all that joyful energy today. So today, what we are going to chat about is a time when kind of spilling the tee about when, uh, I call this one, the one when we were on a break. Right, right, right. You're like, Ooh, okay. Details, details. Spill the T please. Who is we? Well, unfortunately it's not super, super juicy that would land me on like, you know, page six or on flash across TMZ. But, um, it was me and social media. I was, is in a, you know, semi bad place and knew that was the right thing for me to do was to take a break from social media, and this is my story. any law and order, um, folks out there? Okay, let's bring it back, Sarah. So first let's set the scene of, of what was going on. I was on maternity leave with my first baby. So with my daughter, and if you are a parent or you have friends, relatives, whatever, if you know somebody that has become, especially a first time parent, I'm sure you know, that, that it ain't easy and it's not what we thought or expected it to be because I mean, spoiler alert for those that don't have kids yet, like nothing will prepare you. No matter how many books you read, things you listen to, even stories that I'll tell you today. Really it won't prepare you, but we can just connect over the fact that we all get it. I get it. And we're all there. We all go through same but different things. And in different ways it will affect us in different ways. And yeah, I just wanted to chat about it. And, for us to connect over this story, I bet there are a lot of you out there or know somebody that this can really resonate with. So, like I was saying, I was on maternity leave with my first baby and I don't know exactly like pinpoint exactly when it was happening, but it just kind of happened over time. And of course your, at home and where I'm from in Canada, we're fortunate enough that I could take a leave of absence for 12 months and, and be off with my child, which, you know, everybody thinks, everybody that's not on maternity leave for a year thinks, wow, that's like a year long vacation and blah, blah, blah. I wanna go on that vacation, but that was not the vacation that I was on. I don't know where you sign up for that one. However, obviously it's great. You have this new yummy squishy cuter than ever thing. And don't get me wrong. I guess I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer on this, but both my children I love them and would do anything for them. And it is a ride, right. I always promise that I would, you know, kind of tell you how it is not make the light or try and make it seem as if everything is sunshine and rainbows. So at some point, you know, you're up all night. the baby isn't sleeping through the night. And so then obviously if you're feeding, whether it's breastfeeding or bottle feeding, whatever type of feeding that you are doing, you're, usually scrolling. I mean, it's 2:00 AM, 3:00 AM. You're doing your thing and you start scrolling or if the baby's napping and you're just wiped because you weren't sleeping before. Um, I mean, I, wasn't worried about vacuuming, vacuuming or, um, you know, putting away dishes or something, but I would be scrolling on social media I didn't have any close friends at the time that had babies and so you did feel alone. But seeing what people were doing on social media either that had kids around the same age or just kids in general of, obviously people that I know that I would be following or not seeing on social media, it, oh my goodness, like that comparison trap, it got me and it got me good. It was, and it sneaks up on you too. you know, you're just like, oh, okay oh, that looks really cute and fun. okay. Why, why couldn't I do that? Why can't I do that? Like, or, oh, we tried to do that and our pictures don't look like that, or it was just a hellish time. And, you know, I, wasn't thinking of pulling out the phone to take a picture to post because like cuz it just wasn't a good time or something. So it definitely snuck up on me. I didn't expect it to happen and I didn't really see it happening, but I definitely was getting really down on myself, down on myself as a person, especially as a mom and thinking, okay, well we have this, you know, beautiful child. why aren't we doing these things? You know? I wasn't feeling motivated to do that stuff, to get ourselves up and out of the house some days because that's just what it is. Anyways, I won't spoil the, uh, moral of this story too soon, but yeah, my goodness, it just, it got me and it wasn't fun. It really was affecting my mental health and in all the wrong ways, you know, social media, the intent. I know there's good intent and it was supposed to be social, and a way to connect us or inspire us and motivate us. But even if we're not parents, just in any general sense of the way we are comparing ourselves, you know, we don't see that sink full of dishes or the fur balls that are silently rolling down the hallway. people aren't going to be showing that. And so, most of the time seeing that highlight real, I do love, I do wanna say that, I think it is great that I'm seeing more and more people or accounts and that type of thing that are, you know, embracing the realness of life and the realness of real life more, which is really great. And don't get me wrong I'm a creative person and being a creator and on social media it is really fun because you can let your creative flag fly. So there's always gonna be an aspect of me that creates pretty looking whatevers. but know, a hundred percent I've probably just pulled off my four year old, either off of me or off the older sister for like the 576 time that day and I am not looking pretty. hopefully whatever I'm taking a picture of or posting does look pretty, cuz that probably would be the intent, but I'm not looking pretty. And uh, it may not be calm or I've tried to hide somewhere. So he's not jumping in front of the camera if I'm actually speaking. But all that to say, and you know, you're thinking, okay, Sarah, where are you going with this? I'll get to my point. Eventually. I just like to take you on the scenic route. It's more fun that way. Comparison, it will steal your joy faster than Ricky Henderson stealing second base. Okay. Now I did have to Google that, although I did confirm with my husband so if you do have a baseball fan in your life, that's a good little, piece of info, you can throw at them. Ricky Henderson he's like the top base stealing MLB player. So anyways, back to why we're here. Comparison is just a joy suck. So it is way easier said than done of getting stuck and trapped in that comparison game. Do not let yourself be taken down or feel any less than anybody else and even your former self, you know, don't it, you can't even really compare yourself to who you were six months ago or a year ago or who you will be next week. So please stop the comparison. Stop. trying to be somebody else, stop trying to be somebody else's highlight reel Even this podcast is a perfect example, like most of you I've listened to, you know, a variety of podcasts and, you follow different people. And I had to catch myself too knowing or thinking, okay, well, this is how they do it or this and this. that maybe should be how I do it too, because that kind of seems to be it, or, oh, wow, well, I don't do that. Does that mean my podcast won't be any good or won't be. up to par with them. And I just, you know, I had to sit myself down and say, yo, Sarah, like you do, you, you do your thing and you can't be worried because then you don't do things, you won't step outside your comfort zone. You won't live up to your most favorite self if you spend your time comparing yourself. So loves, I am sending you so much joy, so much love. And with that reminder that you are amazing, you are a magical person and what you do and how you do it is what the magic is, so stop comparing and go live your fabulous, magical life! The thing about joy is that we are an active participant in our joy. We cannot simply just wait for it to happen to us. We cannot just wait to feel it. We must create it. We must create it for ourselves. Spoiler alert. We are in full control. Of our joy. So my goal with each episode is to leave you with a takeaway what I'm calling a joy challenge, something that you can do to take actionable steps right now today to start creating more joy in your life. So your joy challenge today is to go and unfollow five accounts. So hop onto whatever social media platform is your jam, where you gravitate to start to do a quick scroll through the feed. And this is, you know, don't second guess it, don't t ry and then justify why you shouldn't unfollow them. It's gonna be a gut reaction. You're going to know this instant feeling. So if you're scrolling through. And if you get that feeling, when you see somebody's account, and if it's not making you smile or it isn't lighting you up, or you start to feel like a little pit in your stomach Unfollow them just unfollow them. You know, they won't know, there's not some blaring notification that is sent to them to say that, you know, Susie Q unfollowed, you, um, you have to look out for yourself and your joy is worth unfollowing somebody and down the road you might be able to follow them again. But if right now in this phase of where you are if that account or that information that you are consuming, if that isn't bringing you the utmost of joy, it's gotta go, it has got to go. And I really hope to goodness, I am not one of those accounts, but Hey, if I am so be it. I will have a talk with my ego. And if that's, what's gonna make you have a more joyful life than so be it. However, I can't imagine that I don't bring joy to your life, but challenge unfollow, five accounts that are not lighting you up. Thank you so much for listening. And remember sharing is caring friends. I'd be so grateful if you shared this with someone who needs it in their life, make sure to subscribe and it would be super awesome. If you left me a review, I spent most of my time on Instagram, so you can find me there at free spirit stitches. I would love to know when you're tuning in or taking part in a joy challenge. So tag me@freespiritstitches and use the hashtag create more joy podcast so I can celebrate with you. As always my DMS are an open and safe space to connect. I also have an amazing free 20 page guidebook to creating more joy when you subscribe to my newsletter so make sure to go and grab that now on my website@freespiritstitches.com. Until next time I'm sending you all the joyful vibes.