Episode 10 - The One With A Special Guest

In today's episode - for the season finale - I have a very special guest.

We'll be chatting about finding joy in a committed relationship and what the different phases of relationships can bring.

I would love to connect with you ✨

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Transcript

Sarah 0:01

Let me guess you've been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or like the world has totally gone to shit. Well have no fear you're in the right place friends. Our mission here at free spirit stitches is to create more joy in the world anyway we can and one of those ways is with the create more joy podcast. So join me, Sarah D your joy seeking, donut eating, crochet obsessed host as we chat about all things joy and how to create more of it in your life, because we know the world really needs it. Now, I'm not gonna pretend it's always sunshine and rainbow because it bloody well isn't, but I do know among all those messy bits, there's lots of joy too. You're guaranteed to hear some F bombs, that's what she saids and lots of tangents. But if you hang with me, I'll help you create more joy. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the create more joy podcast. Obviously, you know who I am, Sarah D your host today we have a special guest, and it's my first guest. If you've been following along so far, you know that I have just been sitting here speaking with you by myself, but today for the season finale, I thought that I would bring out the big guns and do something fun for you and bring a guest. So this guest is, obviously somebody very special to me as I'm having them as my very first guest. They are the PB to my J, the Jim to my Pam the David to my Donna y'all know what I'm talking about. I don't think he has any clue what I'm talking about, but it is my hubby, Todd and oh, first I guess say hi Todd.

Todd 1:48

hello, party people.

Sarah 1:51

this is also extra special because in, I don't know how many days, probably a handful of days, it will be our sixth wedding anniversary. So I thought this was perfect. Perfect timing that I would have him on as my first guest for the season finale, the week leading up to our anniversary. So. Sit back and relax, grab whatever you need. You know, the drill get cozy and let's do this Now y'all know how I like to set the scene of where I'm at, what I'm, what I'm doing. So we are, we actually, I don't know when a week and a half ago.

Todd 2:30

Yeah. Almost two weeks ago, almost two weeks. Oh, almost two weeks.

Sarah 2:33

Almost two weeks ago. We, started out on a little family trip and decided to drive with the two kids 20 hours to spend some time with his parents. so right now we're hold up in his parents' basement while hopefully the children will stay in bed and we can record this podcast

Todd 2:55

and we are also in the great Midwest in Ohio.

Sarah 2:59

Woohoo. So in full disclosure, because you also know that I love to just like spill the beans on myself. I had this idea just leading up to us, leaving for the trip. And last week we spent two nights away from the kids. We went to Pittsburgh because if you don't know, we are Pittsburgh Steelers family. So we went and spent two nights in Pittsburgh. One day we went and watched, Steelers training which was a really cool experience. Something I've never done, todd's never done before.

Todd 3:33

Nope. First time it was amazing.

Sarah 3:36

So we had two nights away from the kids, I thought it would be the perfect time to record this podcast. Cuz I knew with the kids around and with schedules, it was, you know, there wasn't gonna be any quiet time. And by this time of night it's like almost nine 30. I'm done for I'm normally just like already in bed or on my way to bed. So. I'm here trying to bring the energy for you. we tried to record this when we were in Pittsburgh and it would've worked out perfectly. But the day that we went to training camp, we came back. We got ready to go up for dinner. Somebody, and I'm not gonna name names, but one of the, two of us had a few too many spicy margaritas and maybe threw in a shot of tequila and we couldn't didn't happen. Well, we tried, we tried we tried, we still haven't listened to the recording. There's 24 minutes. I don't wanna listen to it. Not yet. I'm not ready yet. we tried and it didn't work out. So. We are now in the basement of his parents recording this instead of in our hotel room in Pittsburgh, like we thought, but, Hey, we're gonna get er done however we can. Today's episode, we are going to chat about finding joy in your relationship. like I said, it's leading up to our sixth wedding anniversary. We've been together for a total of 12 years. So I thought it would be great for us to chat a bit about that. And I think it would be really fun to kind of get that male perspective as well. Cuz you just kind of hear me chatting away about whatever nonsense is in my head. so I thought I'd throw someone else into that mix. we're 12 years in to our relationship, six years married and I'll let you go first. You're my guest. That's only the right thing to do, I suppose is, uh, put the first question to you and what, oh, first of all, though, I think people want to know how wonderful it is to be sharing your life with the coolest person ever.

Todd 5:49

It is very wonderful actually. I think we laughed together more than geez. In the past 12 years. There's days where my cheeks just hurt laughing with you. So, ah,

Sarah 6:05

that's so cute. okay. So obviously 12 years is, a good chunk of time. You know, I was gonna say after all these years, but I mean, really it's over a decade and in the beginning, obviously, We're so infatuated and, you know, just all about each other. So it's really easy. You're gonna have way more joyful moments and joyful experiences than, going through actual life together like I say, it's not always sunshine and rainbows. So after 12 years, how do you still find joy in your relationship,

Todd 6:46

not letting you do laundry.

Sarah 6:50

that's very, that's very joyful. I second, that that was very joyful. Not doing laundry. Yes. Love it. Love it. I recommend love a note of 10 recommend figure out a way to not do laundry. Check okay. That's all. Just not let me do laundry.

Todd 7:14

Oh, no, I All right. Maybe repeat the question, cuz I kind of threw that joke in there.

Sarah 7:20

oh yeah. He's he's being funny and ain't paying attention, right? No, I said, I said, yeah, welcome to my life. People welcome to my life. So yeah, after 12 years and actually doing life together and knowing it's not always, sunshine and rainbows. how do you keep finding joy with that person that you're with

Todd 7:42

just finding and experiencing new things. Cause as we all, we, we all know doing stuff routine that gets stale, right. So you gotta find the next adventure, the next new, thing that you can experience and then trying something new. I mean, it could be a new dish, right? Uh, for us. you know, in the beginning it was having a child

Sarah 8:07

oh yeah, that was, yeah, that's a new experience.

Todd 8:10

We all know that's, uh, that's a crazy experience in itself. but the amount of joy that we have had over those 12 years with the two children, and our dog, it's just, it's just endless. even on our, our trip in like the two, the 20 hours in a car with two kids, man. The, the, the amount of things that the children did in that 20 hour span was just crazy. And like just sitting there driving and just watching them interact with each other crazy is like 20 hours in a car with two Ks. You're gonna expect a couple fights, which happened but

Sarah 8:51

oh yeah, but it was crazy good. So you're saying it's crazy, but it was crazy good, like props to the kids though, honestly, they were amazing on the trip down.

Todd 9:01

Oh, 100%.

Sarah 9:02

It was only the last, what? Three and a half hours that we then actually separated them in the car. Yeah. But

Todd 9:08

I think they had too much sugar but that's expected.

Sarah 9:11

Yeah, exactly. But they did awesome. I am. I'm not gonna lie. Terrified to go home. where I think we're all getting tired. Yeah. And over each other. And we've been spending a lot of time together, but we'll figure it out. Hopefully we'll find a few times to laugh a few moments to laugh.

Todd 9:26

But's just finding new things in 12 years. It's I mean, we've gone through, we've had ups and downs, highs and lows. it's normal, but you just gotta find. You know, finding, seeing you smile and seeing you laugh at all my dad jokes That that helps that that helps a lot.

Sarah 9:46

I, I got out and say to that, I have nothing to say about that one. Okay. Those were good. Those were good answers. I approve I'll uh, keep these in. I won't edit them out. so for me, very similar to what you said, you know, you have to make sure that you're experiencing new things with one another, because that's part of life, no matter what you're doing, I think it's great to experience new things and it is fun, to experience those new things with someone that you are in a committed relationship with and doing life with. for me and you know, that I am all about and this podcast is all about just the simple things that can be joyful and that you can find joy and just the littlest mundane things too. Yeah. The big grand things as well, but little things. So a few things for me, like from a little. kind of joyful perspective is yes. One thing I did have, I just, I made some notes today, so I was a little bit prepared and not put off by having someone stare at me as I speak into this mic, cuz it is definitely off putting for sure is yeah, his ridiculous jokes. They are majorly bad dad jokes, but he thinks they're so funny. And that brings joy to me. I roll my. And I mean, I will give him a little bit of credit. Some of them are pretty good, but I can't like inflate the ego that much at all.

Todd 11:10

You definitely can't let me know. They're funny.

Sarah 11:12

No, cuz any, they will, you I'll just keep going. Yeah. They will never stop. They will never stop. So, um, yeah. Also joyful like that. He does the laundry I am, yes, that that's a big thing. That's definitely a big thing. but also. letting me just be me and who I am letting me be bad at laundry but that's why I married you. Cause I was bad at laundry. Whoa. No, sweet. All right. there are people out there, folks, if you're bad at laundry, you will still find true love. Don't worry. just letting me be me. And that was always like right from the very beginning until now. You still let me be exactly who I.

Todd 11:57

Yeah, those red sweatpants. First day I met her. Whew. Oh, I they're amazing ripped pocket

Sarah 12:02

I don't know if I talk I dunno if I talked about those on here yet. I don't know, anyways, she still wears the sweatpants. I had to upgrade them and get new ones because those were trashed a long time ago, but I got new ones. Don't worry, folks. The love is still alive. I definitely love annoying him as much as he annoys me with his dad jokes. I love annoying him with all my that's what she saids and I love it so much and it brings me joy because it annoys him so much. And I mean, sometimes that's just what you gotta do. Right. I mean, in all the office jokes, cause I've never seen the show, so it's, he just doesn't get it. It's hard, hard. it's very hard. He doesn't get it. But to me, they're hilarious. and I guess, one of the last things I'll say is about in line with letting me be who I am. It's just supporting me like a thousand percent and pretty much whatever I wanna do. Like he'll make sure I'm not gonna either seriously injure myself or get arrested. But aside from that, he pretty much supports me in whatever I wanna do, which is, the reason that I'm able to do, free spirit stitches and do this podcast and explore that side of my, myself and my passions and my creativities. And you know, what I feel is my purpose is because you're supporting me. It's a thousand percent in that. And that, is beyond what I could, hope for in, in finding joy in a relationship. And that has always been there from day one, too and so I think that's just super rad. So thank you.

Todd 13:36

You're welcome, dear. You're welcome.

Sarah 13:38

So, we've already talked about having two kids, so I kinda wanna segue or move into the next part of this. And it's about the phase, now that we're in, right? Because through the life of your relationship, no matter how short or long it is, there's gonna be different phases or seasons of it. And so right now, the phase that we're in is the phase of two parents with two small kids, five and eight. And we're just trying to figure out what the fuck we are doing and what to even do with these children sometimes I just wanna chat about that about like how, because if, if any of you do have small children or know people with small children, you know what it is, and you know how it can be the most trying, hard, aggravating, frustrating chaos, stressful, like any of these words that you don't wanna feel, you are feeling it when you have small kids. So I just wanna chat a little bit about how do we in that keep finding joy and especially finding joy in that chaos.

Todd 14:51

Just seeing them together, like going to the park, even on the trip that we've been here, they love going to the park and playing and swinging doing the monkey bars. Like seeing that that's. When you just sit there, you sit back, you smile and be like this. This is why I had kids to see their interaction, their kindness to one another, their playing their laughing. Um, and even today, when we went to Cedar point, well listen, watching them guys go around the park, getting on the rides and violet had her first roller coaster today, which was amazing. Just seeing the joy in her getting off that thing and saying, daddy, that was awesome. I loved it. Let's go again like that just, oh man, it melts your heart. It literally just melts your heart. you gotta take it as each stage. You gotta find the joy because as they get older, you know, they're not gonna want to be around us anymore. And it's, you know, it's, it's gonna be sad, but now, so now you gotta take in all that joy being eight and five and seeing, and just seeing them together. Walking around in the park today, it was amazing. Like, uh, just brought me tons of joy today. today was a huge, huge day for joy, smiles, laughter. It was great from when we got up to when we got home.

Sarah 16:17

With chaos, definitely sprinkled all throughout

Todd 16:21

and that's Sarah screaming on the rollercoasters

Sarah 16:23

listen, I had fun, but I said, I'm a screamer when I get on the roller coasters, I can't help it, but it was a lot of fun. you said something a couple minutes ago that struck me. you said that, This isn't always gonna be like this, or, you know, it's not gonna be like this for long. They're not gonna wanna do this. I don't know how many times in the last three years, have we said that to each other though? Yeah, true. right. Like very, yep. Like, and 100%. And I feel it's the ebb and flow. And so if one of us is having like a down day, because we're frustrated as all get out with the kids, usually the other one isn't and I feel like that's the only way to really survive this phase too is you just gotta hope to goodness that you're having a good day when your partner's having a down day because

Todd 17:10

tag team wrestling she's like, bam, you go to the, you go to the ring, you tag them in That's what, it's a hundred, hundred percent.

Sarah 17:17

It really is. I come out of somewhere and I'm like, okay, tag, you're it. Like, you gotta go deal with it so I can take a breather. But the thing is right now with a five and eight year old, we know these things aren't always going to be how they are. So like them wanting to be in the bed with us or wanting to do this or that and things that you think to yourself, I can't wait until this isn't like this anymore. But then we kind of bring ourselves back to reality and be like, you know what? It, isn't always gonna be like this one day. That's not gonna happen. We don't know when the last time is gonna be. So then that really kind of grounds me back into the present. And I think that's a big thing is like joyful and being joy and seeing the joy and finding the joy has a lot to do with being present. like today at the park, It was a fantastic day. It was so fun. we were all getting hot and tired, but it was a great day and we stayed present and we were able to see those different, moments of joy. Right. and I think a big part of it, especially at this age is just letting kids be kids. Right. I remember something a few years ago where. Like kids, they are jumping on the couch and they want to put the pull, like the cushions off and like make forts or whatever. And and I don't know why, because again, like we've never been parents before. We've never been parents of kids this age and that age, because we're basically growing up with these kids. Right. I don't remember when I was five, like what went on, we were just like put the cushions back and this, and they wanted to play with it. And I mean, it wasn't until I had a therapy session to be honest. And my therapist was like, what does it matter? And I'm like, I don't know, cuz we think the cushions need to stay on the couch. Right. And so it was nice that he was like, You know, there's just kids being kids. Is it really that big of a deal? And so I think that was a nice turning point in the parenting journey that then we were able to kind of let go of some of these expectations of like, oh, it should be this, or it should be that. no, maybe some days I feel like maybe we've over corrected and it's just total fucking chaos. Yes. another thing with finding joy in this phase that we're in. is grounding ourselves back in that foundation that we already had in our relationship. So you like, even though you have kids, there was a reason why you're together and you wanted to have kids so try and remember those little spots and figure out how you can bring more of that, I think. Right. Um, yeah. Agree. Yeah. And, and, and too I think it's sometimes I'm like, okay, even though I wanna be yelling right now, maybe I should just laugh. Maybe I should just laugh and let it go. Because is it really that big of a deal?

Todd 20:09

That's when she asked for a dad joke.

Sarah 20:11

No, it's not that would make me furious at that point, but something. So obviously pandemic, uh, I hate talking about it, but all four of us were home 24, 7 for four months. Right. When we had to be in lockdown, when our province shut down, we were home together 24, 7 for four months. That's a lot of time. And, fortunately for us, we were still able to work, but we were trying to do our full-time job, help violet with her online school. And then we had this two and a half year old that had no idea what the hell just happened and what was going on. He was having fun one day playing with his buddies at daycare, and then he's home. And, you know, so needless to say being home and y'all probably know that fuck is my favorite word. The little guy picked it up a little too well. And so we're still trying to correct some of these things that happen. one of my probably favorite things in the last little bit is when he would get super pissed and one day he was yelling at Todd and he was like, you fucking ass baby. And it was the funniest thing I had to leave the room. And go just like die, laughing somewhere else because I couldn't let him see me laughing at that. Cuz then he would really not stop. But sometimes when you just wanna yell and be like, you can't say this, it's like, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I think laughter literally is the best medicine. Like I really think that is true. It is so just laugh folks. just laugh more together, It's your, that's the advice you get relationship advice from Sarah and Todd. Oh, no. Laughter. How about from what do you wanna be called? T dizzle, T O w D and Starla that's the advice you Gett dizzle. That's the advice you're getting from Starla and T dizzle today is just laugh. Just laugh it off. Just laugh about it. nothing else really matters. I think at the end of it, do you have any last remarks about finding joy within our relationship and then particularly this phase of our life that we're in, in this relationship right now?

Todd 22:24

It's hard. I mean, just, I mean, the good point that we just, we just said was laughter and I think. a big thing that I find that we do all the time is laugh. We Al we're always laughing together, whether it's something ridiculous that we do. Whether it's me going to play ball and you telling me don't go get hurt. And I come homeall hurt. He never listens. So I mean, it's, it's little things like that. You just sit back and laugh. Like, I don't know. Laughter I've Al I've always found. Laughter is always a cure for all. And it's good. Medicine makes your smile, makes your mouth hurt, makes your gut hurt. It's just, it's one of the best things I, I feel in life is. Is amazing. And so I, I try to make her laugh, even though she doesn't laugh all the time at the stuff that I think is funny, but cause I can't let

Sarah 23:14

you know that it's funny. Okay. Like you all

Todd 23:18

know what I'm talking about. That would be my last piece of advice. It's just laugh. Awesome. Find the joy, the fine, and just smile and laugh about it. Whether it's something silly, the kids do. your wife, your husband, your partner.

Sarah 23:32

If your wife shrinks your, uh, one of your favorite

Todd 23:35

t-shirts yes. Tell her to stop doing laundry forever.

Sarah 23:41

Oh, my goodness. Okay. This was a super fun podcast. Thank you to my very special guest for popping my podcast interviewer cherry, I guess, is that what you say? And

Todd 23:54

thank you for having me, I guess that's what you say. I don't know. It's my first time here. I don't

Sarah 23:57

know. Woo. Woohoo. All right. Hope you enjoyed it. And this is Sarah and Todd signing off. Peace. Thanks, babe. Love you.

Todd 24:10

Love you.

Sarah 24:12

The thing about joy is that we are an active participant in our joy. We cannot simply just wait for it to happen to us. We cannot just wait to feel it. We must create it. We must create it for ourselves. Spoiler alert. We are in full control. Of our joy. So my goal with each episode is to leave you with a takeaway what I'm calling a joy challenge, something that you can do to take actionable steps right now today to start creating more joy in your life. as a very extra special joy challenge this week, I am going to let my very special guest give that to you.

Todd 24:55

This is a big, this is a big challenge, cuz you know, over the past season, listening to my wife, So here we go. So my joy challenge for y'all is over the next week, find a handful of things that have brought you joy or laughter within your relationship or with your kids and write them down and also let those individuals know that they have brought you joy. I think that'll go a long way and it'll definitely bring a smile to your face. So enjoy and again, thank you.

Sarah 25:33

Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you did, please spread that joy everywhere. Also make sure that you're subscribed so you don't miss any of the fun. And if you're feeling really fancy, go ahead and leave me a review. I spend most of my time on Instagram, so you can find me there at free spirit stitches. And I would love to know when you're tuning in or taking part in a joy challenge. So tag me free spirit stitches and use the hashtag create more joy podcasts so I can celebrate right along with you, or if that's not your jam, just slide into my DMS and say, Hey! Now if you really wanna double down on the joy, I have an amazing free 20 page guidebook to creating more joy when you subscribe to my newsletter. So you can grab that now on my website free spirit stitches.com. Till next time I'm sending you all the joyful vibes.